A tribute to Kathy

This is not what I planned to pen down today, but I hope doing this will help show my appreciation and gratitude to Kathy.

I shared before now the challenges I faced when I was pregnant with my now 4-year old son. Coupled with fatigue, and the fears and anxieties of a pre-term delivery, was a difficult 6 weeks after he was born. He was in NICU for almost a month. I had to shuttle to the hospital every three hours or so to feed. I was still in pains from the C-section, and I was weary and tired. The chair by the side of his bed was my bed most days, and some nights.

I say ‘some’ nights because whenever Kathy – the nurse – was on duty, I didn’t have to stay. I trusted her enough to give necessary attention and love to my son. Not that the other nurses were not trust-worthy, but Kathy was different.

Kathy gave lots of attention and love to this pre-matured baby of mine; just like she did with the other preemies in the NICU. She would sing and talk to these kids, and would always tell us how well our son behaved 🙂 We all loved Kathy. She would take time to engage me in conversations about just everything. She talked about her family, as much as she listened to me talk about my family. She knew every member of my immediate family. She was always pleasant.

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One of Kathy’s many drawings on my son’s chart board in the NICU

 

The first night I went home, it was supposed to be difficult, but Kathy assured me I needed the quality rest, and that she would ensure my son is fine. She told me I could call anytime in the middle of the night to check on him, and it wouldn’t be a disturbance to her. I was happy. I called Kathy twice before dawn. Each time, she giggled in between our conversation as she told me how he’s been eating and sleeping and doing well. My mind was at rest.

The next morning, I hurried to the NICU to see my son. He was sleeping, just as Kathy had described over the phone in the wee hours of the morning.

My son was born a week before my husband’s birthday. Of course there was no plan for any kind of party for my husband’s birthday since we both were in the hospital spending time with our son. Kathy was on duty that day. Her husband had brought her lunch. And so for some few minutes, Kathy was off-duty. An hour later, she came back with a cake and a hand-made decorated card for my husband. We felt really loved by this woman. She had spent her lunch-break getting the cake and making the card. At last, there was some birthday fun for my husband in the NICU…thanks to Kathy.

My son was discharged 4 weeks later. We exchanged phone numbers and we stayed in touch for a while. It’s been at least 3 years I heard from Kathy but I knew she would retire as a nurse in that NICU because she was that good with the kids.

I was excited when my sister-in-law told me couple of weeks ago that she talked to Kathy over the phone that morning. My sister-in-law recounted how Kathy talked about the loss of her mom just a few weeks prior, and how she had been dealing with that loss. She no longer worked at the NICU because there was new management that didn’t think she should be doting on all those little babies. Her very traditional way of caring probably didn’t fit in anymore. My sister-in-law told me she sounded really sad about the loss of her mom. I can’t imagine the hurt and pain.

I was happy though at the possibilities that I would get to talk (or at least see) her.

But in the days that passed, I would think about her and all she did for my son, and us while he was in the hospital. She was a great nurse.

Earlier on in the week, my sister-in-law called me to tell me Kathy passed. She passed unexpectedly on the morning of January 30th.

I screamed. I was in shock. “What?” I was looking forward to talking to her (at least).

Kathy is gone; the very loving and caring nurse in the NICU.

I don’t know a lot about her life outside of the NICU, but all I know about Kathy is that she was very loving and caring. The many preemie babies she doted on (and their parents) will miss her. I haven’t seen her in about 3 years, but I will sure miss her.

Thank you Kathy for making those challenging days easier to bear. Thank you for being an excellent nurse to our son. Thank you for the many smiles that gave us hope. Thank you for all you did, and the love you showed to us in the short time we knew you. You will be truly missed!

May your beautiful soul Rest in Peace!

The Left-over Transformation

It was one of those evenings I didn’t feel like cooking. So I stopped at ‘China Bistro’ and got some curry chicken, fried rice, crab rangoons, beef with broccoli, and some chicken fried rice on the side; just enough for the family (or so I thought).

We all had our fill; even the kids got second portions. At the end of the day, we had some leftover chicken fried rice, and some crab rangoons. I figured the left-over crab rangoons would make a good snack for me in-between meals the following day, so I put them in a zip lock and made a mental note to get them in the morning. I wasn’t so particular about the fried rice, but I wasn’t going to throw it away either.

“Motherhood is telling people that the only reason why you gain weight is because you eat everyone’s leftover to avoid waste”

#onYourOwn #leftoverfoodplatter #nowastes

So I threw the leftover chicken fried rice box in the refrigerator. I was sure it would be gone by the time I got back from work, or at the most, within 48 hours.

Of course I didn’t forget my crab rangoons the next day. I took them to work, and snacked on them till they were all gone.

Life of the Chicken Fried Rice … Day 1

I got home later that evening, and the left over chicken fried rice was still there sitting in the refrigerator, as intact as I had left it the night before. Everybody wanted something different for dinner; pancakes, eba, pounded yam, noodles, … except the leftover. Somehow, we all agreed on dinner; the leftover chicken fried rice was not in the picture.

The morning, and then the evening, and that was day one.

Day 2 …

I was too tired to cook, but I wasn’t ready to take the easy route by ordering fast food (or having everyone eat out). untitledIt was almost 7pm when I got home. Everyone was hungry and tired. My daughter ranted about how she hasn’t been able to focus on completing her school work because she’s hungry. My husband also looked like all the food in the world had disappeared.

I got the impression that there was absolutely nothing ‘ready’ to eat. I was going to start feeling sorry for them, but I opened the fridge; and there it was – the left over fried rice – still sitting there … in the midst of two hungry people. OMG!!

The morning, and then the evening, and that was day two.

Day 3 …

When I got home from work (tired). I opened the fridge, and little Ms. leftover Chicken fried rice eyed me from its little corner, looking sulky, lonely, and pitiful. “I don’t have time for you today”, I said to myself as I eyed it back from the corner of my eye. I decided to move on with making something fresh for dinner.

The morning, and then the evening, and that was day three.

Day 4 …

I wasn’t going to let this happen. I couldn’t afford to watch Ms. leftover get dumped in the trash. Although I didn’t want ‘her’ myself, I had to sacrifice my diet resolutions, and eat the sad and miserable-looking rice. If I didn’t, I figured it might turn to an ugly disgusting sight within the next 48 hours.

PrintNobody wanted it. I didn’t want it either. Everyone in my family knows how much I do not like throwing food away. In fact, sometimes, I can hardly get myself to do it.

I brought the rice out of the fridge. I was about to violate my diet schedule in order to save this rice from the trash, and add on some six hundred and fifty  unplanned-for calories to my body.

This rice just didn’t appeal to me. But I couldn’t throw it away. As caught in-between as I was on making a decision, it didn’t take too long to conclude. “I will eat this thing”, I thought out loud.

I already had dinner planned and ready, but I decided  to eat this left over, even though it didn’t appeal to me, to avoid throwing it away.

The Transformation …

I got my frying pan and stir fried some mixed vegetables (carrots, peas, sweet corn, etc), tossed the left over rice in the pan and stir fried some more, and then to spice it up, I added some crushed pepper.

I emptied the contents in my plate, and got some orange juice to go with it.

I sat down to eat.

All of a sudden, everybody wanted a spoon of the transformed left over. All three kids sat around me, holding out their own spoon. Ten minutes later, everything was gone.

The left-over food the family rejected has now become the Chief course-meal

(CibM Meme Chapter 101, verse 1)

My thoughts? …

So many times in our lives, we see people (or things) that are leftovers, or look like leftovers – abandoned, sad, ugly, pitiful, and lonely. And really, maybe they are. But when we invest our time and the (little) resources we have in these leftovers, the end-result becomes appealing and attractive. All of a sudden, everyone then wants to be associated with the transformed person (or thing).

As I reflect on this episode, my heart fills with gratitude and joy. I was once a left-over that has been transformed (by God). His transforming-expertise is out of this world.

Whenever you feel rejected, lonely, ugly, or miserable because you are being treated like leftover, be resolved to let the greater power of God spice you up and make you something new.

The greater lesson though is that in this new year, be resolved to transform someone or something that others have labeled as ‘leftover’. Be resolved to be the change and not wait to hold out your spoon after the work has been done.

To those that hold the same belief as I do, remember that we were once leftovers that God transformed. Let that spur you to ‘pay-forward’ because at the end of the day, “The left-over food the family rejected will become the chief course-meal”, and everyone including you can enjoy!

Have a happy new transformation-project-filled year!

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Politics, Love, and the Whale (from the eyes of a CibM)

In the wake of November 9, Donald Trump was declared the winner of the 2016 presidential elections in the United States of America.

I received and read many tweets, Facebook posts, emails, and text messages that had some element of great fear, hurt, pain, and insecurity. My friends from Africa, especially in Nigeria, called to ask when I’d be coming back ‘home‘. There were jokes flying around social media about the elections, the candidates, and the president-elect. Some were funny, others were just not meaningful.

People were planning to flee the country. Canada’s immigration website crashed.

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All of these got me confused at first, then shocked, then scared, then I moved on.

I voted. It was an early voting. I felt really accomplished.

Election result aftermath …

The one concern that I read, saw, and perceived from all the messages I got centered on the same issue; “What should I tell my kids, and how do I explain ‘this’ to my kids?”

Children and Politics …

I’ve heard my eleven-year-old daughter’s manifesto before; the first time was when she  became a big sister. She made declarations about how she would be in charge and take care of her little brother. After all, she had waited 7 years to have him. In fact, I’ve heard it many times when she tries to justify why she needs a new pair of shoes, or any other kind of favor from me.

I’ve even heard my three, and four-year olds make promises about what they would do if I take them to Chuck E Cheese; how they will not fight each other, and how they will share their toys and play nice. 🙂

As a mother, I see children play politics all the time. Whether they understand what they’re doing or not, it all boils down to some kind of politics.

At the end of the day, they all live and play together, loving each other under the same roof!!!. Most times, they don’t keep their promises, but somehow, the kids still live together in peace … and politics continue as usual the next day….

As adults, and as hurt or as happy as we may feel about the just concluded elections, we must be very careful not to complicate the messages we pass on to our children. Children will always be children, and we must not try to make them jump their ages and talk to them in deep adult-world talks. In my opinion, we should be able to communicate the basics of the election process, and the outcome of the 2016 election. Period.

2016 elections from the eyes of a CibM to ‘a child’…

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Four candidates – Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump, Jill Stein, and Gary Johnson – contested (or campaigned) for the office of the President of the United States of America.

Donald J. Trump won the election, and is therefore the president-elect until he is officially sworn into office.

All four candidates visited different cities in the country for almost two years, giving manifestos of why people should take them to ‘Chuck E. Cheese’, and one was able to convince more people”. (Of course we know as adults that the political state of our country is nothing compared to Chuck E. Cheese, but we’re talking to children, remember?)

Lessons to teach …

Life is full of competitions. We must be ready to play strong, and fair regardless of what you see or hear (from this election).

Some people are not happy with the outcome of the elections because their candidate lost.

If you are one of those not happy about the results of the election, let your children know that you are not happy. However, tell them that there will be many more elections to come. So, we should always be thankful for opportunities that await us.

In life, a heart of thankfulness is a heart that wins.

Some people are happy with the outcome of the elections because their candidate won.

If you are happy with the outcome of this election, let them know that you’re happy with the outcome, however, let them also know that you hope your candidate meets your expectations. No matter how much facts we have before we take a decision, we can only hope for the best.

In the meantime, and before the next election, it is important to act, talk and think with dignity and integrity.

Depending on how you saw each of these presidential candidates, let the children know that sometimes ‘bad’ people prosper or win, but that doesn’t mean they have to be bad or mean.

There is good in being good.

Tell them that sometimes, the good people do not prosper or win, but that doesn’t mean they have to stop being good.

Tell them that sometimes we make decisions based on good and concrete facts, but they still go wrong (because of other factors beyond our control). But at other times, we just make plain bad decisions that will definitely go wrong.

We must always look before we leap.

If you voted, it means that you used the power you have (as a citizen of this country) to make the country better by making your voice heard. Let the children know that in life, the power we have as humans must be used, and not misused, to make the world a better place to live.img_23961

In summary, life is designed to move on as long as we have breath in us. Let the children know that they need to seize the day (carpe diem), and maximize their potentials.

The Whale part …

And, if you’re like me, korea-openly-admits-to-having-plans-to-kill-endangered-whales-2when your three and four-year olds ask you about the 2016 presidential election, and when you try to explain to them, you can tell them the story of Jonah and the whale from the Bible. If they ask you how it relates to the elections, tell the story all over again 🙂

By the way, the story of Jonah speaks to the great grace we have in God.

Finally, tell them we must learn to stand stronger together to make America greater than it was yesterday. This starts from the home, and it starts by quelling all the fear, tension, pain and insecurity surrounding us now.

As adults, we have a greater responsibility than the president to make sure we fix our homes and our children.

When we build strong families in America, America becomes greater and stronger together!!

May our land be peaceful and filled with love that can never be swallowed by a whale, or anything bigger or smaller than a whale.

God bless America!!

Two Pregnancies, and a Birthday

Although this is a late post, the lesson from this story is life-long.

My younger son recently turned three.

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It wasn’t surprising that most families and friends that called to give their birthday wishes thought he turned four. The reason being that he acts, talks, and thinks older than his age. I sometimes think too that he’s been in this world longer than three years 🙂

It got me thinking while I was at work that day, as I reflected on my pregnancies, and the years after.

Being pregnant with son #1 …

You see, my older son, who is now four years old was born at 33 weeks. I was so impatient with that pregnancy that I prayed every morning after my thirtieth week that the child would come. I was tired. Suffice to say that doctors had put me on weekly progesterone shots to help prevent preterm labor. Once a week, after my seventeenth week, I would take a drive to the doctor’s office to get my shot. Everything seemed to be great until my thirtieth week.

My wish came true with son #1 …

At about the 30th week, I was tired. I was ready to go on maternity leave. I was looking forward to a get-away from work. God heard and answered my prayers three weeks later. He was born at 33 weeks, weighing a little over 4lbs, and about 19 inches in length.

It was a C-section.

He was small. He wasn’t breathing well. He was immediately taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).

I did not anticipate the struggles and challenges in the days ahead. Firstly, I didn’t have the opportunity to hold him right after he was born, like I imagined and wished. I cried. Then my stomach would hurt, so I would stop. But I would cry again, because I couldn’t believe I was missing out on holding my son.

The next three weeks were gruesome. I was discharged while he was still in NICU, and I had to make frequent trips to the hospital to see him, and feed him. The chair by his bed was my bed most days. I still couldn’t hold him for a couple of days because he was still too small. I cried almost every day, wishing he had stayed a little longer in the womb; wishing I didn’t say those prayers to have him so early.

When I was finally able to hold him, I was emotionally and physically drained. I felt the discomfort we both shared each time I held him. He would cry. I would cry too.

I should have been patient. I shouldn’t have wished or prayed him out too early. I should have nurtured him in the womb a little more. Maybe then, all these wouldn’t be happening. The time away from work I had looked forward to, became very stressful and frustrating. I spent most of my maternity leave healing. Had I known? All because I was impatient, and maybe a little selfish.

Son #2 …

keep-calm-it-s-another-boy-4.pngHe came a year later. We were excited!! Another boy!!

For this pregnancy, I was once again subjected to the weekly progesterone shots. But this time, I had learned my lesson, so I chose to enjoy this one. I decided I would not complain, or give attention to my tiredness enough to want me wish the baby out.

I focused on the things that gave me joy; my home, my job, church work, and family (not in any particular order). I kept trying to serve at my duty post, even when I was tired from the pregnancy weight I carried. I tried to eat well, and sleep well. I asked God for strength each day; strength to nurture and carry the pregnancy well. I was still looking forward to maternity leave J but I was ready to wait to allow this one ‘bake’ fully.

During one of my routine check-ups, the doctor had told me the delivery of the baby was “destined for 27 weeks”. I chose to be positive, and hoped for the best. In the meantime, I prayed for patience and strength. I wasn’t going to let fear, tiredness, or maternity leave, make me wish for an earlier (preterm) delivery. This one was going to be baked well.

The delivery …

It was very early in the morning. I was 37 weeks, a day shy of 38. My water broke!!!

I got to the hospital as soon as I could. I was admitted. I slept, woke up, slept, and woke up again. Contractions happened in between, from mild to very intense. The pain-relief medication worked great. So I slept again.

I woke up, and this time it was time.

In three minutes, the baby was out. No pain, no unnecessary drama!!! Boy, was this pregnancy and delivery easy or what?

He weighed 6lbs. He cried. He breathed. I held him so close to my chest.

Easiest pregnancy. Easiest delivery. 48 hours later, we were home … together; all because I wasn’t impatient like my previous pregnancy. I waited for God, and on God to do what He had to do. I allowed Him to let this one ‘bake’. He knew the right time.

Lesson learned …

When God gives us a seed to nurture, He expects us to put ourselves into the business of nurturing. And while you’re waiting for the manifestation, be patient. When you allow the seed to take its proper course, it comes out better, and you’re a happier person.

“He blesses without adding sorrow (and stress)”

Just keep trusting, keep working, keep serving, and keep nurturing at your duty post. In due time, the results will be amazing.img_23791

Each pregnancy journey has been a blessing to me. I have learned through each of my pregnancy experiences that my seeds (pregnancies) are meant to be nurtured. And while I’m nurturing, I must be patient so that its manifestation will indeed be a bundle of joy.

So, now that my youngest is three, stay tuned for the how-old-are-you story.

Deal With Your Pee!

Today, I was reminded, based on an incident a couple of years ago that involved my then nine-year old daughter, my two-year old son, and myself, that I am ultimately responsible for the way I treat others, and how others treat me. I am being reminded to deal with my ‘pee’.

Two years ago …

This particular Saturday, I woke up tired, and I was a lot more tired at the end of the day, of course, due to the fact that I had to run my one thousand and one errands within the short time frame. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my nine-year old’s speed-talk. So, I decided to gather momentum, and use that energy to get my two-year old ready for bed. But first, bath time.

Normally, the last thing I take off him is his diaper. As soon the diaper goes off, I throw him quickly in the bath tub because I never want to get pee’ed on. It smells; bad. But I wasn’t thinking tonight. I was badly tired. I took the diaper off, and held him in front of the mirror, just so I could catch my breath and gather more strength. I was standing right in front of him too.

Before I could lift him, I felt something really warm flowing down my stomach. In the split second I had to think, I looked around to find out what in the world was going on with my body. If I was in Church, I would have probably thought I was being anointed with warm oil. But then, on my stomach? I looked again. Lo and behold, it was pee. I gave a long hiss to show my disgust. “Oh no”, I thought to myself, “this is not what I bargained for tonight”. This hiss wasn’t doing it, so I advanced to a loud groan, “Ooooooooooooooh no”

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My noise got my nine-year old sprinting through the hallway to the bathroom. “What happened mom?”

The conversation …

Me: *hiss* “Your brother just pee’ed on me”

My nine-year old daughter: (turning to her brother) “What? Why? Why did you do that? Is that what you’ve been learning from your Bible? The Bible did not say to pee on your mother. In fact, it says the opposite”.

At this point, I was immediately trying to figure out what Bible she was reading, and what that Bible said about ‘pee’. I wanted to laugh at the way she scolded her brother, but I had to let her finish. So I stood there, pretending like she was making very valid points.

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She continued …

“The bible did not say to pee on your mother, it says you have to face the toilet, or you deal with your pee”.

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Okay, I was so tired, but I had to let the laughter out so I didn’t burst. Firstly, what Bible was she referring to? Definitely not the one I read to her. Secondly, where exactly did anyone say anything about facing the toilet in any bible version?

As I laid in bed that night, I reflected on the whole incident. I replayed the whole scene in my head again, and I got the message.

Lesson learned …

Don’t we all? Don’t we all try to ‘pee on others’? Don’t we all try to throw our trash on someone else, only because we can’t face our toilet, or deal with our pee?

I learned that night that regardless of how much trash (or pee) we carry, or how pressed we are, we need to learn to ‘deal with our pee’, and stop throwing our trash elsewhere.

But I think a greater lesson I learned is this; “DO NOT STAND OR SIT WHERE YOU WILL BE PEE’ED ON”. Don’t let anyone dump their trash (or pee) on you. It might feel warm at first, but it really does smell.

Now the question is; “how exactly do you intend to deal with your trash?”

Lord help me!!

Don’t be a dumping ground for someone else; do not keep company with those who are willing to dump their trash on you.

Onboard Flight #3960

On my quiet drive from work to the boys’ daycare earlier this evening; the only time of the day I have to reflect on the many blessings in my life; I was reminded again that when I give my fears to God, He takes me to a place of rest and peace.

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… rest and peace

 

My friends and family know that this Caught-in-between Mom (CibM) and planes do not go together. We are just not compatible J I am one of the few humans that could start a drama in a flying airplane from fear. Yes, I do have a phobia for flying.

Few years ago, I had to travel to Knoxville, Tennessee for work, and I cannot even begin to narrate the mental preparation I had to make weeks before this trip, just so I don’t cause a scene in the plane.

Contrary to what I had prayed for, the flight was not canceled. It was right on schedule. I feared even more on this day because there was a ‘bad’ storm. I’m sure frequent flyers would have considered that kind of weather ‘light rain’.

My legs wobbled with my first couple of steps as I entered through the airport doors. The airport looked different this morning. Everything looked so strange. As I walked through the security gates, it dawned on me that this was the point of no return. OMG!!! My whole system started screaming, there was chaos in my brain, as if a tornado was passing through.

We started boarding at exactly 5:50AM. And for the first time since I got my ticket, I looked at the flight details.

Delta Airlines, Flight #3960, Seat 8B.

No going back! I smiled at the air hostess like I was a pro as I entered the airplane. I got seated and pretended to be all calm. I looked at the faces of the people around me. Some were already sleeping, and some were laughing with excitement. I couldn’t understand how they felt this comfortable in an AIRPLANE.

Soon after, the flight attendant stood in the middle of the aisle. I couldn’t really hear what she was saying but I understood what she was trying to do. She looked like someone trying out for a choreography audition as she swung her hands and pointed to different things, played with a seat belt, the oxygen mask, etc. … Yeah right, like as if I’ll remember all these in the event of any mishap. And then, I heard the pilot clear his throat as he greeted the passengers and welcomed us onboard … Onboard Flight 3960.

I felt the plane move backwards. O.M.G!!! This is for real!!

This was a defining moment. I heard the pilot announce that due to the weather, we might be experiencing some turbulence for the entire 44 minutes of the flight. I wanted to yell “put me down!!!” I closed my eyes, with my seat in upright position, put my knees together, clasped my hands and put them in between my thighs. I could not even say a word of prayer but my thoughts travelled far… so far away.

I closed my eyes and thought about all the times God had seen me through really bad situations. I thought about my beautiful and entertaining daughter, I thought about my family, I thought about my Church family, my loving and caring friends. I remembered all my visions that I had written down for the year. I flashed back to all the times God had made me smile. And then, all of a sudden, I felt God’s love and peace.

In this world I travelled to in the plane, it was so beautiful and happy. I was so relaxed. At this point, I was determined to open my eyes and face my fears. I was determined to trust God and let Him have His way. So, I took a deep breath in and opened my eyes. Just as I reclined my seat so I could relax and reflect more on these happy memories of God’s faithfulness, I heard the captain announce, “It’s been a pleasure serving you today; thank you for flying Delta”.

“What in the World?? We’re in Ohio already? Are you kidding me?” My words almost audible. What happened to all the bumps and turbulence the pilot had talked about? I looked outside the window, and I saw ground!

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! We’re here, I made it, I made it, I made it!!! Onboard flight 3960!! I made it!
I took time to reflect on flight 3960 later that day. I wondered if the plane really did take off. I almost concluded that the plane never took off, and that I was transported to my destination in a mysterious way

I then realized that God took me out of my fears onboard flight 3960, and helped me focus on what would bring Him praise. He took my ashes away, and gave me beauty. He gave me strength in place of my fear, He gave me gladness instead of mourning and He gave me peace in place of my despair. I will forever be grateful. Let me encourage someone that though your fears might be real, there is a God who is always onboard your flight … give Him your fears!!img_2263